Thursday, 19 July 2012

Why you should never give up

Luckily, it's all happy things on the agenda at the moment, which I guess explains my lack of posting, I have been so busy and hectic. Spent a lovely few days in Bath recently, of which pictures shall be recorded here:


I also had the opportunity to visit Highclere Castle, where Downton Abbey is filmed! Downton Abbey is one of my favourite television shows, so it's fair to say I was a little excited. Picture above ^


The Roman Baths ^
After that lovely mini-break I returned to work today in my new store, and things have been lovely so far, the staff are very friendly and the customers are a lot nicer than in the store I was training in!

So overall, things are on the up.

I made a video last night about people 'giving up' on recovery, and my reaction to that and why you should never give up on recovery.
I'm not going to lie and say that once I never 'gave up' during my recovery processes from depression/anorexia, but it was the positive mindset I tried to maintain and the people around me that pulled me through and enabled me to realise that there is much more to life than lying in bed all day because you are too depressed to move or taking continuous overdoses!
I've been seeing a lot of negativity at the moment, especially on Twitter, regarding recovery. It can get a lot to handle, especially for someone who works as hard as possible to try and help those struggling and feels pangs of guilt when she can't.
People keep saying to me recently, 'well this happened to you because of this....I refuse to believe that in myself and that could never happen to me' - well it can and it will. I struggled even since the age that I was able to feel and process thoughts with negative self-hate which can be found on early school reports, that I lacked confidence and seemed to dislike everything I did. I'm almost 20 now and to go through all the years of negativity to some amazing months of positive ones is the biggest step forward I could ever have made, and I am so proud.
I wouldn't consider myself recovered, and to be frank I don't really know what I consider recovered to be. But I do see a change within myself that can be applicable to ANYONE struggling, anyone can change, however hard it may be or however difficult your circumstances are, I firmly believe that everybody has the ability to make progress and move forward with their lives and recover. There's going to be obstacles along the way but how are you even going to know if you don't try?

It's a massive pressure on me to try to help everybody and be there for everybody, but I hope I can be the voice of empowerment and motivation to kickstart the recovery and kickstart a new life.
I finally finished my A-levels and I have a job now, two things I never thought would be possible many years ago. I dropped out of Sixth Form and had to quit my job and never thought I would ever be allowed to come back to school after many relapses but now look at me? A-levels are done,  no matter what grades I get I have plans and I won't give up because in life, you just can't give up.  YOU CAN'T.
Giving up seems like the easiest thing you can do. But actually, it's one of the hardest things you can ever do to yourself. You're just letting yourself suffer the same problem over and over again and nothing is being done about it. Take the first step, whether it be today, or tomorrow, and do something positive for yourself that isn't just positive for your recovery but that is positive for YOU.

Everything in this blog I mean 100000000x over and will keep on saying it until it sinks in.
I love and believe in every single one of you.

Thursday, 5 July 2012

Past friendships

I feel a little bit disgusted at aspects of humanity right now, people who think it's okay to post degrading and disgusting comments about other people thinking that they won't see it.

I've reached a point in my life where I don't care anymore what people think of me. I've achieved so much in the past few years especially, where if people who even try to accuse me of screwing up my life or screwing up my future then I know that I would win, heads up.

In the past 2 years, I have:
  • Recovered from anorexia
  • Reached a stage where I am content with my life, despite still suffering from depression and anxiety
  • Gotten myself a new job one week since leaving the Sixth Form after exams
  • Celebrated a 3 year anniversary with my first boyfriend whom I love with everything I have
  • Raised tons of money for Cancer Research UK through running 2 Race for Life's
  • Volunteered for numerous charities - BeatBullying, YoungMinds, and Cancer Research UK, and I also now give blood
  • Finished and completed my A-levels after working incredibly hard, despite plenty of knockbacks
  • Found friends who love me for who I am
For some people, some of these may not seem like achievements, but for someone who 2 years ago never even thought she would get to this stage, it is a massive deal.

I then look back at the people who made these disgusting comments about my friends and I, look at what they have achieved and find, that it isn't much at all. And that may sound spiteful and horrid but it just demonstrates how people have no right to ridicule and make fun of other peoples lives when they're clearly just shows pure jealousy.

I do have trust issues from my friendships over the years, and wouldn't specifically say that I could sit down and confide to my friends, even now, if I was struggling, even though I do love them to pieces. My trust issues stem mainly from going from friendship group to friendship group as a teen, being horrifically bullied for about 5 years from previous friends,  and being backstabbed and had the most horrible things done to me by previous friends. Even in this new year group, whom I did love, as has been demonstrated, there has been   some horrible situations happen in this year which are just unnecessary. Just last night I heard that a former friend was going to try and get my boyfriend sacked from the police as he was wearing a police uniform as a costume to a party - which clearly she wasn't aware wasn't even his uniform and was fake for a start! It just demonstrates the pure depths of some people's personality and how sly and manipulating people can be.

I look at myself today with pride at the journey I have completed. and the milestones I am yet to complete. I have a lot to be proud of. Jealous people who clearly have nothing better to do with their lives, I don't have much time for. You haven't got to me, and you haven't got to my friends. You've just made me laugh at how pathetic you actually are. 

Sunday, 1 July 2012

Race for Life 2012!

So today I took part in my second Race for Life with my best friend, Grace.

Was once more an amazing day and so inspiring, wonderful and touching!

There were over 9,500 people at this event, which is actually so hard to imagine. It just proves how many people have been affected by cancer, or want to work to fight it. There was just pink, everywhere! Which was even more insane. There were even dogs wearing pink collars!
And to know there are probably the same amount of people at the many other events in the UK just shows the importance of the Race for Life and the importance of Cancer Research UK.

Unfortunately I was freezing my arse off in this as it was a windy day!



My best friend dressed up as a pirate!
Just a few of the people at the race ^
Proudly displaying the new R4L t-shirts, which have on them every single persons name who is taking part in that particular race! I just had to buy one!


 My best friend and I with our medals at the end! ^

It was an amazing day as always and I ran in memory of my Uncle Ivan (9th January 2010), my Uncle Seamus (3rd March 2012) and everyone who has been affected by cancer, those who did/didn't make it and those who are still fighting. 

I urge you guys, my wonderful followers, to still keep sponsoring me - it would mean the world to me if you guys clicked on this link and help to fight cancer across the UK. We all know someone who has had cancer, or someone who knows someone who has had it or has lost a life to cancer. I know I certainly have. Just this week I have heard of two more tragic passings from this illness. We need to keep fighting, keep donating, and keep making a difference. Hence why you guys should click on this link and sponsor me:


Thank you guys - I love you all and please donate! Any amount of money counts!